Monday, May 4, 2015

A New Push-Upper Takes Over

And It's About Time.

Nearing the end of 2013 I toyed with the ultra-stupid idea of going for 1,000,000 push-ups by the time I turned 50. This, however, would have taken too much time away from other pursuits, like making enough money to feed my kids. Or paying for a series of cartilage replacement operations.

Enter The Nephew.

My sister's kid Brendan has declared me an inspiration and has committed to doing 75,000 pushups by the end of 2015. Lunacy all around, but it's nice to have some company.

Welcome Brendan. Best of luck.

Make sure your health insurance policy covers cartilage replacement procedures.

Saturday, May 2, 2015

75,000 Pushups 2015

So my uncle's 100,000 pushup farce has inspired me to challenge myself and do 75,000 pushups by the end of 2015. Started a little late, but better late than never. I'll try to do posts day-by-day, if not that then week-by-week. -Brendan T.

Day-By-Day
April-
22- 80
23- 270
24- 210
25- 120
26- 80
27- 100
28- 200
29- 220
30- 330

Small numbers, but you have to start somewhere
April Count: 1,610

May-
1- 250
2- 540
3- 320
4- 350
5- 10 (sick)
6- 10 (sick, can't do 0 pushups, had to get in one set)
7- 180
8- 20 (world series of birding- 24 straight hours of birding)
9- 130 (world series of birding)
10- 80 (no excuse for this one)
11- 350
12- 200
13- 400

Thursday, January 2, 2014

The Toughest Mile


In high school I ran cross-country, on a team coached by a guy who had no qualms about whipping us into what he deemed proper shape no matter how many of us puked in practice. Wednesdays were particularly tough – this was when we would run through the woods to a neighboring park and an elongated oval of a parking lot. We’d stretch and talk nervously before coach called us to the line, where he’d then explain what we were doing that day, none of it pleasant. Ever.

Sometimes we’d run – and I mean run – four one-mile intervals. Sometimes we did sixteen quarter mile sprints. Once in a while he’d yell GO! And then get in his car and drive a kilometer away, to a point up a long hill, and wait for us there with a stopwatch. While we were all still bent over and spitting up he’d get back in his car, tell us to get back to the line and drive away down the hill.

Coach was tough. And our team (with no significant help from me) kicked ass every year.

The easy lesson here is that hard work pays off. As does puking, in context. But what I remember most about all those Wednesdays of intervals (besides the pain and the puking) was the oft-spoken (oft-screamed might be more accurate) sentiment that the toughest mile, the hardest lap, the most excruciating, most leg-burningest hill climb is the second to last one. It’s not the last one because you know on the last one that this is it, I do this and it’s all over (except for the puking). For every other lap or mile or hill you know you have more to go – and the more you’ve done already the more your system is screaming bloody murder. No one ever verbally agreed with coach on the whole idea that the second to last is the worst, but from the looks on everyone’s faces I think the sentiment was positively unanimous.

The feeling resurfaced early in December.

I can’t draw any neat parallel between the second-to-last lap/mile/hill during cross-country practice and a point in the final month of 2013. I can only say that in early December my arms felt like spaghetti while my body felt like a slab of marble.

For the first several days ideas of quitting lay like a rock at the bottom of the murky ocean in my head. I searched for shortcuts, and prepared excuses. I’m already way past last year’s total... I can apply the extra push-ups from other months to December... Ah well, Christmas is coming, lots to do… Then suddenly, in the next week I felt like Rocky Balboa – more or less, though my knuckles remained on the floor – and by the 14th I found myself just shy of 5,000 for the month. The following week I felt sluggish again, muddling through 1,800 over seven days and doing the math in my head again and again: How many left to do? How many does that mean for each day left in the month?

And then...it was with ten days left that I felt myself cruising down the homestretch. 350 per day would do it – which, for all intents and purposes, was my pace all year. One thousand every three days equals ten thousand over thirty days. Two days of five hundred each got me a day off if I wanted – and could trust myself to get right back on my horse in the morning. And after all this time, what was ten days of moderate push-upping? A walk in the park. A piece of cake. Yes, I had earned the right to say such things.

I didn’t do 350 a day those last ten days. On a few days I did an extra set or two; on a few other days I slacked off – and wittingly so. I was going to make it. On the 27th, the Friday I had to pack up the wife and kids and make the drive over to New Jersey for the extended family Christmas gathering complete with several large pizzas, Yuengling Black & Tan and a bonus drive to the airport, I only got in one hundred. No problem. And on December 31st, the last day of my drive to do ten thousand pushups every month for the year (coincidentally, December 31, 1946 was the official end of World War II) I breezed through three hundred pushups – fifty more than I needed, just because I felt like it.

Because that last mile, that last lap, that last hill or that last set of pushups – it’s really no big deal.

It’s everything before it that makes you puke.

Which, in context, is all right.

It’s 11:30 in the evening, January 1, 2014. I’ve done no pushups today. Because this year I think I will pursue other things. Things that involve other people.

Whatever your goals this year, may you make it through your toughest mile.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

On Second Thought...

...Forget that last post.

I could do it. But there is so much more to life than set after set after set of pushups on your knuckles, no matter how many different things your three-year-old can think of to put on your back while you are in mid-struggle.

Plus my elbows hurt.

The real impetus behind this sudden change of heart, though, is the gym access that comes with volunteering at the local fire department. As an EMT-in-training I get this cool little gray thing that unlocks all the magnetically-sealed doors at the fire house as well as the substation where, downstairs, they have a decent little workout room. In addition I can, I understand, go over to Gold's Gym and look foolish for free.

I plan to finish out the year doing my planned 10,000-a-month. From there we'll see. Who knows? Maybe I'll find I'm not cut out for stethoscopes and middle-of-the-night rescue calls and I'll lose my Gold's access and my little gray thing. And then it's back on my knuckles.

And my giggling three-year-old.

10,040 for November.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Rounding Up

I don't know what sounds tougher, 120,000 pushups a year or 10,000 pushups a month. Doesn't much matter I suppose, it's the same ridiculous hobby however you slice it.

I haven't been thinking a whole lot about it lately though - because another goal has been creeping slowly, insidiously into my head.........

Since I hit the floor 20 months ago or so I've recorded 200,000 pushups. (I can't say exactly how many I've done because, as I've mentioned in previous posts, unless I've been particularly militant about scratching out another mark in the notebook after each and every set it's easy for me to forget how many sets I've done in the course of the day.) By the end of the year I plan to be at 220,000. 'So why not keep going to the nice round figure of 250,000?'

Because, odd as it may sound, that doesn't seem round enough.

If my math is correct (not a safe bet), if I do 11,000 or so a month I'll have recorded 1,000,000 pushups by my 50th birthday. Then maybe I can quit this idiotic hobby of mine.

We'll see.

Over 100,000 for the year now. The kids started ignoring me and my knuckled antics long ago.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

A New You In Only 10 Minutes A Day!

Ten minutes a day. How hard is that?

Depends on what you're talking about. And if that ten minutes is a minimum (as in exercise) or a maximum (as in facebook).

All year I've been able to keep up my commitment to do 10,000 pushups a month. At the beginning of each month, usually the day after I've barely hit my goal for the previous month, another 10,000 begins. I'd take a day off if I thought I could afford it.

A set of fifty takes a minute, more or less. According to my math that means ten minutes a day gets me 500 pushups. Done every day that amounts to 15,000 a month. Take every third day off and I still hit my target.

Yet somehow, sometimes, it seems hard to do even this.

It's not the physical part. Fifty pushups at a time has become routine, and not a difficult one. (Not bragging, that's just how it is after 190,000 pushups over the last eighteen months.) The tough part then must be mental. And mental discipline, I find, is my personal holy grail.


Friday, July 12, 2013

Losing Count


I have found a new way to punish myself.

Counting to fifty should not be difficult. Not for a grown man. But on more than a few occasions recently I have been in the midst of a set of pushups and lost count of how many I’ve done. This happens mainly because I have this habit of not counting by ones.

Sometimes I’ll count to ten, then instead of eleven I’ll say ‘one’ and proceed to nine, followed by ‘twenty’. Then back to one, up to nine and then ‘thirty’ and so forth. And whether from a lack of blood reaching my brain due to the ongoing physical strain or a lack of brain cells from my ongoing brain-cell-challenged life, I will sometimes forget what should be coming after one of the nines.

On occasion I will count to twenty, then twenty again, then finish off the set by counting to ten. This should lend itself to fewer mistakes; how can one possibly forget whether this is the first ‘twenty’ or the second?

I don’t know. But it happens.

And when it does? I punish myself. I take the lower count and continue. If I don’t know if I should be saying thirty or forty, I say thirty and keep going. If I don’t know if I’ve done twenty or forty pushups I call it twenty and go from there. (Sometimes I have a real hard time pounding out fifty and have to suspect I’ve actually done seventy but into the books goes another set of fifty.

If I keep punishing myself this way maybe I’ll eventually start paying more attention.

Maybe I should just count by ones.